Really? So not the week I wanted, needed or expected. At least I got to have lunch with my favorite person.

How do let someone go that you haven't seen for 7 years? My feelings for this person were a reason my marriage was almost destroyed 6 years ago (I've only been married 6.5 years).

All I wanted from him 10 years ago was love. I wanted him to act upon his effusively professed feelings. If he loved me so much, why didn't he do what he needed to be with me? Instead, he chose to keep me secret and for all intents, be ashamed of me.

Why am I even thinking about this? I have no intention of doing anything that would hurt my family.  I don't nkow if I'm looking for something that I'm lacking or if its really *him* that I miss.

I'm not feeling particularly positive today.  Someone I absolutely love has decided that I'm not good enough to grace their existence any longer....and here's the shitty party - they won't even say what I did to ruin our friendship.

I have a big mouth. I tend to say what's on my mind. I blame my last pregnancy. I lost my brain to mouth filter and I never found it again.  Even taking my poor brain to mouth filter into consideration, I have looked at everything I said and this is ONE TIME in my life I can genuinely say that I have no idea what happened.

Ttthhhhbbb. I'm going to go console myself with some super hot coffee and a cheese quesadilla (which I suppose will lead to be post on my second blog about Fat Camp. 

Is it really so different?

I'm not sure if "finding" is still an appropriate title.  I am happier with who I am, size I am, where I am, then I have been in years. Despite being happier and more content, today feels like a blah sort of day. No, it isn't the snow...its just a lack of energy and missing the people back home.

to shower or not to shower?

It's 8:01 and I don't nkow if I'm inspired enough to get up and go to work. If I do go...I will have accomplished something minor. If I don't..I can stay here in my pajamas and play with my son. HHmmm..

Does Anyone Need A Gmail Invite?

I have 4 gmail invites. The first 4 people with names, e-mails and who tell me a good joke get the invites.

Very hard to post lately

I've been quite caught up in another blog and I've been neglecting myself. Consequently, I am now up at nearly midnight feeling like I forgot to do something. I sit at my computer and I'm automatically drawn here.

It's been a really long week.

I work in a church in what is essentially a one person office. I never know who is going to call or walk through the door and what their needs might me. I'm well equipped to handle homelessness, hunger, some abuse..but when suicide comes a knockin...I have to step back.

Fortunately, I had a great resource help me out on what to do (call the police and her family) so everything is turning out fine, but it's still hard to watch. I feel for these people..that they are hurting so much. A pastor at my church told me that it's not my job to fix people's pain, but simply to carry it for them, for just a little while. Give them a respite. I would give these people my very blood if I thought it would help them find their path. Unfortunately, I am paying a high price. I leave work on days like this feeling exhausted, weepy, unsure and unable to sleep.

Good night for now.

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

This would absolutely be my cat Line. If you don't read it all ready (since this strip is a few days old) here's when you can read the rest of the thread. http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=index&cid=1993